Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
