Kareoke will never be a sober sport
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
