my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
