We're like a lot better than the average bears
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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