if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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