Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
