when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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