i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
