Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
