i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
