Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
