this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How drunk are you?
Completed.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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