Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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