Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
