Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
