I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
