oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
