I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
