Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
