I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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