he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
