I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
