He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
