Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
