hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
