How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
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