it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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