Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
