I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
