If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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