her vagina looked like bernie madoff
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
