i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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