Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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