a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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