Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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