Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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