if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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