She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
