I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Fuck appropriateness.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
