you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
