How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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