Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
