I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
