this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
