My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
