Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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