I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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