my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
