there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
