her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
