I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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