One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
