He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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