After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
All the doctor said was why
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
