she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
